White coat. Heels.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
