Are we in a gay sports bar?
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
