Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
