I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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