Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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