new low.... made out with someone while peeing
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
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