Already got asked if we're dating
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
If I die, sorry about rent.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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