That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
