just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
