i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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