i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
COCAINE IS GR8
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