ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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