thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize