mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize