he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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