Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
