I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
