dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Randomize
