So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
