Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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