I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
