I faked an abortion last night.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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