I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Randomize
