How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
