oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
