a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
