People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Blood and glitter go together right?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
