I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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