I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
