So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
