Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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