Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Sober January is a disaster.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
