You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Randomize
