Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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