theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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