so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Randomize
