perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
i think my cat just said my name.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
