What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
