Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
