You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
