is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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