I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
