How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
