Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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