P.S. I can't hear my feet
In America we eat man semen.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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