my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
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