I just made out with a guy for $7.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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