my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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