I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
