the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
