Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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