i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I could have mohawked her pubes.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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