I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
