im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
This house was built for laser tag.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Randomize
