Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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