My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
