nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
