the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
