you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
So many bounce houses so little time
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
