sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
