I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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