Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
