Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
