just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
