just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Who put my cat in the fridge?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
