i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
