Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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