is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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