dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
